Silence

One more deviation from the commonplace. I usually like to title my notes with 2 or more words. Usually something vague and I hope, intriguing. This time however, its one word. A word that I like and dislike. A word that most of don't enjoy and some of us tuned to submit.
Silence

Its a weird thing. There are varieties of this silence. A bone chilling silence. A library's often-violated silence. An induced silence. An inspired silence. A forced silence. An awkward silence. (Trust me, I could write a book on awkward silences and my experiences with them) A solemn silence. A thought-filled silence. A mournful silence. A cut-the-crap-and-just-speak silence. An eerie silence. A romantic silence. A hungry silence. An eager silence. A silence that you feel before something wrong happens. A I-dont-belong-here silence. A pre-conversation silence. A stare-into-the-eyes silence.

All these silences, under the right circumstances can be forced/faked on someone. Which happens to all of us on an almost daily basis. But thats not my point.

My point is the kind of silence that you want to be a part of. It could be any one of the ones mentioned above, but what makes a difference ( a world of a difference at that) is the fact that you want to be silent. Out of respect. Out of love. A silence that you, not enjoy, but will not break unless necessary.

I spent this evening at Borders. With a Starbucks in my hand and a great book in the other. I was part of a silence that I truly wanted to be part of. A silent so calming and peaceful, you should have been there to understand how awesome it was. To say the least, I reconnected with my spiritual side. This will sound unbelievable and quite a bit stupid to most of you but with the right kind of silence and a great book, perspectives change. Lives change.

I never knew 4 hours would do so much for me.
By the way, the book was The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. It took me half an hour to find the perfect book and this was indeed it. I haven't read such a simply written yet descriptively beautiful book in a long time.


As of now Life is good. Wanting to try Burger King. Studies Good. Music flowing in. Movies flowing in. HIMYM flowing in.

In other news, a Wise Man told me recently that I contradict myself a lot. Gotta work on that. Tired now. Off to Sleep. My Third Level, if I may say so.


Forever,
A Silent Reader,
V



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Now Listening : To the opposite of silence.
Now Feeling : Content

Good Night.

Alive and Awake

Hullo,
This time I'm going to deviate from the commonplace and describe a few days and not an entire month.
This note is not about what I aspire this month to be and neither is it about the month ( or whatever portion of it ) that has transpired.

This note is about one (maybe two) relatively perfect days. My past months have either passed in indifference disguised as sleep or disappointment aggravated by exams. But the past two days I have woken up and NOT thought about the periods in which I can sleep in or what tuition lies ahead of me. These 2 days I actually have brushed with my mind and not let the toothbrush brush while my mind wanders off. And believe me, I enjoy it. The mundane things that I do every day with a million bloody things in my mind, these 2 days I did them like I was driving a car. Life...seemed simpler.

Which brings me to my theory that things are only as complicated as you think they are.

I can give you my word that I haven't slept in any period these days and I have taken down notes and understood. This, in all probability, a consequence of the excess sleep I've been getting. But there are 3 words that describe my mind and my life in general in these 2 days ;

Order of Disorder

An order has emerged these past two days out of nowhere merely because I was more awake than I was alive. More interested than I was incomplete.


All these days, I've been alive but occupied somewhere else, attentive but not at what lies in front of me but at what lies beyond me. I have been impervious to the perfect things happening in my life, from that exact arrangement of periods giving me time to complete everything and still go have that heavenly orange ice-cream. Or the fact that nearly everyday my school is lightened up by beautiful faces. Or even the lovely weather (in the eves, not the afternoons, definitely NOT them!)

But to spoil the rhythm that I ever so slowly captured, I hope disorder returns because life is far more fun then.


But I will tell you this,
The past two days have proven enough to put me into writing mode.


And now,
Off to Sleep, only to be Awake again,
V


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Now Listening : If I Were You - Hoobastank
Shine On - R.I.O


Now Reading : C++ : Function Overloading


Now Watching : A regular supply of movies and HIMYM episodes thanks to Big Man.



PS: I wrote this from my NEW laptop! ( Sorry, couldn't resist.)

The Long Walk

Greetings,
Below is a story.
A story of a guy with your name, your eyes, your smile, but a personality of his own.
For he is, after all my creation.

He starts a long walk on a road with no visible end. He walks, curious as ever down this road for all he can remember. On this walk, he sees most of the things that are now a part of our life. Prejudice, Irrationality, Racism, Politics, Capitalism, Religious Fanaticism, Kindness, Anger, Love, Adrenalin Rushes, Sexual Tensions...
Some excite him while others disgust him. Some he wish he had more of and some he wished never existed. But they were there, like the lizard in your room and the bugs in the air, they were there no matter how badly you wished they weren't.
He met a few people on this long walk. Some who stayed for so long but left him when he needed them the most and others who happened to be there exactly when he needed them, almost as if God picked them up and placed them right next to him. Some were with him because their roads led to the same point and nothing more.

This road bent and twisted at the most unexpected points and often had these long beautiful stretches. Oh those stretches. Long unwinding stretches of tarmac like blot on a clean white paper. A beautiful blot at that. The paper being the bloody brilliant scenery surrounding these roads. The stretches that made up for all the twists and turns. Gave you the false impression that road would always be smooth and straight and beautiful... But where's the fun in that?

Sometimes he wished he were faster down these roads and sometimes he wanted to go as slow as humanly possible. Sometimes he even wished this road didn't exist.Sometimes his legs hurted and he had to slow down or maybe something from the curves he's already maneuvered was pulling him back. but you can't walk the road you've already walked. So he just kept walking on.

Then there were the bumps.BUMPS
Funny word isn't it? Some of them were small while some of them were big. Some that had to be endured while others had shortcuts around 'em. Its amazing how something that can't talk to you can teach you so much more than someone that can understand and respond to you.

Soon he got better at walking on this road. So much better that he felt as if he were merely gliding over the road. And this is where the twists and bumps reappeared.
Some roads made him more visible while the others made the road forget him.

This road almost had a balance of its straights and curves, a balance that sadly most people didn't seem to notice. Result of which most people left the road on their own. Left and were never seen again. Never even remembered again, for some.

But everything that has a beginning has an end. Likewise, even the road came to an end. You'd know as it would be marked by a bench. The end of a long walk was an even longer rest. How fitting.

If you were lucky, which our guy was, you'd even get company at the bench. Who, you ask.
Why, the Architect of the road. The Architect was the last person you spoke to before you rested.
And so the Architect spoke to our guy. What exactly happened, will never be known for sure. But I could've sweared I heard our guy say:

* Silence. Heart pounding, sweat-generating silence. Even the birds fluttering nearby seemed to stand still in the air as our guy opened his mouth. It was like Eternity was the lock and our guy's vibrating Vocal Cords were the Key.*

This Road is a work of Art. It takes you to finish it to truly realize how bloody awesome it is. It takes a really long road for you to realize the value of something infinitely smaller. You need a similarity to truly understand a difference. You need noise to truly appreciate silence. You need bullshit to truly identify wisdom. You need the Devil to truly believe in God.
In fact, anything in the world can make a difference if you want it to. Anything at all.
And though I wish this road had more clarity, directions, help when required or signs to let you know what to expect, I wouldn't change it even if I had the power. And even if I had a choice to go back and choose another, I doubt I would. I have found what I have searched for all along this road. And I found it only when I stopped searching...
(Our guy was wise, wasn't he?)

And then he closed his eyes. And the Architect said these words that lit a smile on our guy's face. A smile that may disappear from his body, from the Architect's memory, from your memory, from my memory but it has already reached another place. Actually I doubt its a definite place. That smile is now everywhere. You just have to find it and display it.
He Said, "All is Well that ends well. Most people enjoy the road and then choose the wrong bench. You have struggles through the road and found the right bench. Your bench.

For the sake of all the good things in the world, Keep Smiling.



Still Walking,
V


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If you still haven't understood what the Road was, you seriously have to read my earlier notes.




"Kill the Beast"
- Mr. Dominik



Now Listening : Memories - David Guetta ft. Kid CuDi
Hey, Soul Sister - Train


Now Feeling: Happy.

Now Going : To sleep

Lost But Never Found

Hey,
A month it has been since we last...read/wrote? Let me begin by thanking you. The very fact that your eyes are moving over the very words that my fingers have typed makes me smile. You may not relate to them, may not appreciate them, may not even pay attention to them but you are an audience. And you are what every writer wants. Maybe its too much to call myself a writer but till we get another term, I'm gonna stick with that.

This month can be summed in pretty much one word: SLEEP.
For all you haters who say you've done more epic things than this, I really don't care. There's nothing more comforting than a pillow, a nice blanket, no worries of a school, the two digits it brands upon you and sure as hell no timings to stick to. I find it the most awesome thing since I've hardly been able to do it in the recent past.

My mind has almost been a stagnant blackhole this month. Not much to think about when you're mind's taking rest all the time. Got a lot of lost music this month. Not too many movies. Quite a bit of Madina. Not too much of Shatti. Money crunches galore.

Browsed a lot of MMT's. Real touching shit man. Makes you appreciate your life so much more and helps you understand that even small actions can put a smile on someone else's life and rest apart, thats what life's most about, smiling.


Maybe its all the sleep but I cant write much this time. Almost forced myself to do this.

As for the title, its something that all the Texts From Last Nights & Makes Me Thinks that I formulated;


There's a quality that each and every one of possesses, not necessarily the same quality. A quality that is either inculcated or brought into you by whatever source. Its not the quality that others define you by. Its the quality that you define yourself by. A quality that not everyone has to know but you must. A quality that may be diffilcult to obtain but bloody easy to lose. All this third person description might have made you feel that I'm going to tell you the quality. Read again. Its not a quality that everyone shares.


If, however you lose this quality, you lose yourself. And once its lost, it can never be found. Sure, you can adopt another quality, but you're never the same. You can change the definition of anything but it will never be the same. Hope you get what I'm trying to say.


From TFLN I've read about people doing some VERY embarrassing stuff and then texting about it. I mean who the hell does some very screwed up shit and then texts someone about it??

Makes Me Think is a site that every bloody one of you should visit once in a while. Nothing will make you reconfirm that there are good people still on Earth than that site. Brilliant, to say the least.


This month has revolved around these two sites, Madina and Sherlock Holmes. Normal. If I may say so.


I found my quality during this month. And I'm bloody proud of it.

Hoping you find yours,
V

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(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.


(407): I went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

Today, I am bound to a hospital bed, slowly losing my battle with cancer. About an hour ago, I told my wife that she must live her life to the fullest and accomplish great things after I'm gone. She kissed me on the forehead as she comforted our baby boy and said, "I already have." MMT


Today, I sat in class with my head down for most of the period. My teacher asked me to stay behind. I thought I was in trouble for not paying attention. Instead he said, “If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.” I intend to take him up on his offer tomorrow. MMT



Now Listening: Invisible - Will.I.Am

Now Eating: Pizza after a LONG time

Now Reading: The White Tiger- Aravind Adiga

Now Feeling: Relieved since I finally know when school reopens.

A Cruel Mistress

I have an exam in less than 10 hours. And yet here I am writing my mind out because its bin a month. I write a piece every month or atleast I try to.

February has never been a month I enjoy and this one's been no different. Life, as ever, has had its ups and downs, but an enjoyable ride to my optimistic side. For example, this month's mid- day is the world's BIGGEST cliche. And no matter how much you deny it the truth will hit you that the day is after all a cliche. Irrelevant in my life, but cliches are hard to not notice.

I wish my life had more visibility, more reason, more vindication. But Life is never a dream. While I type away vaguely, theres a plan plotting in the Master's head. Some call it Fate.

My wishes may or may not come true, but that won't stop me from wishing. Nothing ever will.

School is boring me. There is nothing I will be thankful for learning in school except maybe a few rudrimentary aspects. I apologise for the lack of gratitude I hold to my education system but it is personal opinion. Who gives a shit?

Look around, beyond the whims of a teenage boy, behind the cries of a homophobic person who lives in denial of many things, there is someone with a lot of reason in judgement in the person whose typing this. An aspect that I hope someday someone will realize. But I can tell you for sure , my education system is not going to help in that..


Maybe this is an emotional outburst froma person who despises exams or maybe its a cry for recognition from a young adult. That is for you to decide.

This month has made me a bit sober. I'm not the person who will admit he's sorrow but Times change. Life is a cruel mistress who forces you to reconsider your every value, your morals, you yourself!



This note may not , actually, sure as hell will not make sense to many of you but I hope that when that day comes when you do, I know of it. And I thank you in advance for that.


Maybe this note has been an expression of my soberness with a mixture of my hatred of exams.
If this note made you sober too, then does that mean something?
I wouldn't know, you should.

Trying to tame the Cruel Mistress we call Life,forever,
V


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Now reading: Chemistry notes
Now listening: Uff Teri Ada - Karthik calling Karthik
Now Off The Phone: with Ryan, trying to teach balancing a reaction in acidic and basic mediums. Hope I wasnt too confusing man.
Now Feeling: Come on, didn't you read the note at all? Well I'm feeling sober. And I have a headache.