Fire In The Hole

Its that time of my life again when I have an exam coming up and have a compulsive urge to write.

Exams bring out another side of me. An irritable, sleep-deprived, hungry, bored and slightly, sorry, extremely confused side.

I dont remember the last time I was excited because of an exam. Many of you might actually say who does? But there are people like that. And in all probability, you fit into the slickest of groups and just blend and wait there. Wait for an exam to let your true side awaken.
Dont protest, we all know who you are. Question is, do you?

Past the pleasantries.


I often ask myself if I dislike exams because I dont do well in them. And I've done well a few times and the answer was no. I still didnt like the exam.
I then asked myself if I hated what they asked in the exam. Then I realized I hate examinations as an institution. As a concept. I hated how it has become a part of my wonderful life. Always around when I dont need it.

I had a physics exam today and it went better than I hoped it would. Needless to say I still dint enjoy writing it. A guy, like 4 desks in front of me puked halfway through. God knows what he ate last nite.
And twice after that the fire alarm rang, screwing my already pounding head. It happens all the time where I study, some dude (or dudette, with all due respect) pulls the alarm giving us an easy 5 minute breather.
This time, everyone, including me, had the idea that it was all just a joke and you wouldn't really care.
Or so I thought.
I could handpick maybe 15-20 people who actually looked back both times.
For the sake of an argument from a person who didnt write much today, put aside the fact that we instinctively knew it wasnt serious.

The first thing that struck me was that if we continued to be the ignorant, assuming fools we usually are, I would die writing an exam. I leave the repercussions of that thought to your own insanity and ingenuity.

Most people just continued writing. Wrote and wrote while the alarm slowly stopped to exist in many of our minds. It represented that which did not exist. A false hope. An emergency exit that always remained locked. A car that always remained parked.
As I saw the back of all the inclined heads, trying to find redemption or atleast the charge of a particle, it struck me. The silent, unassuming brilliance of it.


Somehow, this institution of exams is so deeply imbibed in you that your subconscious rules out the possibility of danger due to fire, placing higher fear and importance to the paper and pen that lie in front of you. It sounds practical actually, to place importance at what lies in front of you rather than at what lies beyond you.


If you are trapped by this perspective, do something about it. Im not asking you to start hating exams.
Im asking you to put out the fire. In whatever way that affects you.


In one way or another, a fire took place today. Not a fire that helps us live but one that tries to stop us from doing so.
I put it out today. Not out there, but in here, in my mind.

But at the end, this is just an argument.
Its your call whether you argue for or against me.

Unscathed, for now atleast,
V

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In other news, Im reading The Zahir- Paulo Coelho which contemplates what a Free Man is. Ironic that I must read and agree with him, when I am at a stage of least freedom.
Also, I'm on a rediscovery of Coldplay. Comforting when you're up all night with a headache.



Now Listening: Coldplay
Now Reading: The Zahir - Paulo Coelho
Now Feeling: Warm

Freedom Is Just A Word

Hey you.
How are you?

Those 3 words I just typed, I ask them everyday, a million times to everyone I meet in all the languages I know those words in. But I dont know how many of them I actually care about. How many people's replies to those 3 words will actually affect my state of mind. But I still continue asking this question everyday and will continue to do so till I exit. Why? Because I might just start caring.


Now, onto what this post is all about.
What is freedom?
Most people spend an entire life never answering that question. And if you think a 16 year old can answer that in a blog, you should probably go read something else.
I know people in my family, and even teachers from my school who have tried to capture that would get them freedom and failed miserably. One who found that freedom was less freer than what he just escaped and another who found freedom in what he once despised.
Point is freedom is not something we all want. Freedom is an opposite of what one currently has. Freedom is a perspective different from reality. Different as in an altogether 180 of reality. The other side is greener. And most of the times when you cross the road, you get run over by a truck. Most of the time we're like bugs, fascinated by the lamp but unaware that touching it is gonna burn us. Fascinated by the outside but fail to see the glass that stops us from going through.

Freedom is a concept that we have to understand, we may never truly understand.
Freedom is in Manual labour. In driving a convertible car with the wind rushing past your face. Its coming home to a beatiful son/daughter. Its living life on your own terms. Its yourself. Its Literature. Its Music. Its Chocolate.

And while this is freedom to you it may be what I'm trying to free myself from. That is perspective.

All said and done, we all fight for freedom, live for freedom. But how do we know we actually have it? I dont know.


But, as ever, there is a possibility (isn't there always?) that what I've written is all wrong and there is no freedom. For all we know, that may be the truth.
Maybe accepting this truth is freedom.


Think Again. Maybe Freedom is just a word. Another word for life.
So find life. Find life in your life. And you've found freedom.


A Free Man,
V



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Now Listening : Coil-Opeth
Day That Never Comes - Metallica

Now Watching : Traffic. Muscat Traffic.

Just Read : The Blue Nowhere - Jeffery Deaver (Awesome Book)


Now Dreading : The Approach of the Exam