Long Roads

To the ones who read and to the ones who don't,
I grow tired of apologizing every time I write a post late. Its not as if I am going to change the habit but its just something I wanted to put out there. Out where, you ask me? Well, you  tell me.

I've walked a lot of roads and I've seen a lot of things. Some that have made me who I am and some that showed me who I shouldn't be. I'm on a road now. And its in the middle of fucking nowhere. Im still trying to figure out what this road is and what it means if I cross it alone. Without company. With only emptiness and hope. Never ending, never questioning , omniscient hope.

College started today and I feel slightly awkward admitting this but I've never walked into such a big place and not be able to point out more than a handful of faces I recognize.
I know its a new place and a new zindagi and that its exactly what I wanted. But I'm beginning to doubt if I really know what I want.
And is what I want, the right thing for me?


Speaking of faces, have you ever wondered what you see in a face? If faces sometimes define your relationship with particular people? Can you see redemption in a face? Or hope? Or even better, love?
All of it just in the face. Or more so what the face stands for and the space and concern you hold for it.


I miss school more than ever. I miss being out of school during  school and I miss the recesses that led me into faces I knew and waited to see. I wonder, staring into an empty sky, if that same feeling of belonging will ever have a rebirth.
If the abysmal concerns I have for the remainder of my life hold any fruit. Or if I'm just hunting for extinct extravagances.


This post is highly cryptic and conveys a slightly (maybe more) sober version of the person who types the words you read. Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe I'm missing the meaning. Or maybe I'm on the right track after all.
The funny and fucked up part of life is that I won't find out until its a tad bit too late.

Into the sunset, dreaming of sunrises,
V






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"He who opens a school door closes a prison" - Victor Hugo


Now Reading - Nothing. Need some suggestions.
Now Listening - I'm Into You - Taio Cruz
Now Feeling - Not that great.

To New Beginnings

I'm going to start off by saying that I really like the title I gave to this note and I hope you do too once you're done with this.

School ends tomorrow officially, but it ends today for me. I'm happy when things come to an end. happy or sad or even just a break. Its good to have some change, some variety and some more sleep. In case you haven't already figured out, I sleep a LOT .

To further explain the title, you need to watch Fight Club. In the scene where he threatens the dude outside a mall who wanted to be a vet. He takes his ID and promises to return it only when the dude makes an attempt towards becoming a vet. All this is done at gunpoint, btw. Tyler does all this. And his sidekick says all this was just a bit too far.
Then comes the best dialogue in the movie (after you are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world)
He tells him that when he wakes up the next day, he will look at life differently. The breakfast that he eats the next morning will taste better than any meal You or I have ever had.

I've seen this movie a lot of times but not recently, but this struck me only now. Things like this, I hope, are happening all over the world. But why must new beginnings, correction, effective new beginnings be only achieved by force? Why cant we change ourselves by ourselves? Why must someone else do the painful task of making us realize that we dont control shit of what happens in our lives?Why?


Truth be told, I dont know.


Do me a favour. If life has been monotonous for you, repetitive, uninteresting, boring or anything has been in the way you dont like it. Pick up your gun. Place it in your temple and let the one of your dreams, the one you want to be, take control. Let him/her talk to you and tell you how the life you deserve must be and how life you currently live is. Let the one who has taken backseat all this time, come alive and dictate the terms of the sorry excuse that you call a life. Listen like the listener you've never been and learn like the learner you've never been. The dreamer may be unrealistic but you have to agree, he/she has more patience than you do. That should suffice for credibility.



If you've not yet reached the part where your life has turned in the opposite direction of your dream (like me, a student) then see what you can learn from the dreamer for right now. When we begin newly, by ourselves, its a totally different thing. Tomorrow's breakfast will taste better.


This time, I'm not going to be the buzzkill by saying I listened to my dreamer, hope you do and abruptly sign off. Like I said, New Beginning, there will be changes.

These summer hols I'm going to put an effort (just an effort, mind you) into the subjects that I actually give a fuck about. I'm going to sleep only after I'm satisfied with what I did with the day, academic or non- academic related. I'm going to re- understand what it feels like to actually be on top of things and not be in a constant battle from below. I hope I can keep this spur-of-the-moment promise. Its bin a long time since I kept a promise to myself. So, a New Beginning to that as well!

I've always considered this line or related lines a cliche, but I guess its a true cliche.
Its not the end but the beginning.



In other issues, I want to start a blog. Peer pressure of all the writings out there. So watch out, my next post may just be from my blog.
If you've been a patient reader, hope you liked the title now.
If you did, raise your glass and make a toast To New Beginnings. Hopefully, there will be many more.



Hoping New Beginnings aren't forgotten as soon as they were conceptualized,
V





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Now Playing : Somebody Told Me - The Killers
Now Feeling : Sleepy
Now Reading : The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini