Les choses simples

More often than not, I'm unable to put across an idea and it jumps onto my pile of unsaid things simply because I don't know how to start. Maybe its because I don't usually think of the most normal things. If you're thinking about Idli, then you think of Sambhar and Chutney and hence you already know where to begin. If you're thinking love, then you think of your prized possessions and your parents\friends\lovers and things have actual conceptualized beginnings and endings.
Fortunately or I daresay unfortunately, things in my mind don't work so simply. Maybe because our definitions of simple differ. During the context of my writing, simple means I can refer to all my readers, to none of them or maybe even refer to myself in the middle of the post using the word 'you'. But maybe that word doesn't process in your head with the same amount of Serotonin I wish for it to send. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe not. But I will die with the belief that by making your eyes move past these letters, you're almost  here. Somewhere close by, somewhere far. But here, nevertheless. That by using mere words I can make you feel like its just the speaker and the listener in a dim-lit room with our conversation blooming\flowing.
I'm happy that I'll never be ashamed of this belief.
That's a good thing, for any of you nihilists or sadists out there.
Maybe I lost myself here in the last paragraph but you're just beginning to find yourself in here. Where everything is new, and nothing is too far from reach.

A lot of times, when I re-read my old stuff, I feel like I'm looking at a checkpoint-mirror-image of myself. Because of what has changed since that has been written, that guy and I need not be one and the same. Its a delightful experience, truthfully.

With reference to the title, I was watching the 2nd episode of the MTV show called Bring On The Night and seeing them design the place just made me add 3 things to my bucket list. 3 things that I'm okay with being put up in cyberspace.
1. Paint an entire wall\room on my own. Use some spray paint and chalk and what not and kill that shit. Maybe draw a honeycomb pattern, drill some holes, shove some lights inside 'em. And make that shit trippy.
2. Write an actual message and send it through a bottle. Write without inhibition, without worry and more importantly, without sanity and just let it go. Hope and pray that the person who finds it knows English.
3. Make a sign on just trash cardboard, write "Free Hugs" on it and stand in Times Square in NYC or at Trafalgar Square in London or someplace in India where it won't look completely out of place for atleast an hour. Might even add something wacky below the sign like "Ask the Chef for daily specials" ! I'd like to do it with company, but I'm open to negotiation on that bit.

 Try reading this again while listening to a song called Farewell Spaceman by Buckethead. If you'd really do it, go to a room where there's only one small source of light, a candle perhaps, play this song and try to lose yourself inside yourself. It really is that brilliant a song.

Math exam in 2 days. Haha

-
V

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Now Reading - City of God - Collection of short stories
Now Listening - Farewell Spaceman - Blockhead and Verstrahlt - Marteria
Now Feeling - Uh, alright.

Dawn of Realization

My college's cultural fest got over last nite and it gave me some much needed inspiration. I havent written a word in 3 months and this post certainly does make me feel better about that. I dont think I've changed much since that last post but a lot has indeed changed since then. To anyone who knows me well, its no surprise that I cant handle emotions well. I dont emote all that well. Until now, I've always needed a fancy explaination to explain this. But last nite, rather early today morn, helped me make shit clearer.Emotions are an inseparable part of our lives. But they cant be described as much by writing, photographing or "dealing" with them. They have to be felt. And feeling them should cause people to come together, not drift apart.I guess even with this new found clarity its hard for me to put my opinion into words. Emotion, pffft. 

This is a story very very loosely based on a life experience. What follows is a work of fiction. If it isnt as good as my previous works then blame my inactivity.

It takes an old man to know what life is all about. Thats what they told me. I never believed them and now I have even more reason not to. Im walking back from seeing a friend at a hospital. Whos battling for his life. What he has done, what he will do and all that he has never done now hold the same amount of importance in his life; none.For a man of few words, I sure do speak a lot inside my mind. Maybe I prefer to express things the way I imagine people to perceive them and reality sometimes just doesnt match up to it.

Can my outlook to things and my actions have less importance than my religion and my social preferences , when trying to judge if I am a good person. As Khalid Hosseini wrote, the only crime in the world, is theft. Every other sin in the world is a derivative of theft. When you lie, you steal the other person's right to know the truth. Does honesty and integrity hold no say in determining who I really am? If I dont utter words of praise in a language I dont understand but still acknowledge that my life isnt entirely controlled by me, does it hold no value?

I nearly missed the turn that leads home while pondering over these things. But give it the clarity of a sleep-deprived man (yes that is an oxymoron but I can still relate with it), and I realized that if the circumstances are alright, then I wouldnt want to wait until I was an old man to die. Must I really be content at a moment to decide that I have gotten all I have wanted? Is it not enough if I answer anyone with a clear conscience that I have cherished my moments, repented for my mistakes, melted for my loves, and spoken for my self? Can my faith, loyalty and integrity help reassure others of who I am? And who would've thought a friend battling for life would cause me to understand life? The dogs started barking all of a sudden, startling me.  I realized I had skipped my house by a few metres and the dogs barking were right in front of my house. Almost as if showing me the right way and telling me to slow shit down.I smiled as it hit me. And I leave you with my final thought of that night. Ever spelt dog backwards?

-

V

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Now reading : Nothing. Need some books, real bad.

Now Listening : Po Nee Po - 3

Now Feeling : Tired.

La Vie Est Une Plage

Greetings Padawans.
Hahah I dont know why I said that. Had a chat with some friends about how Star Wars entered a world without pop cultures and cults and the sort. Hats off to Mr Lucas and Obi Wan Kenobi for the crazy lightsaber fight in episode III.


Past 3 days have bin a blur. Like one of those happy, dont-want-to-forget blurs represented as video montages in movies. Great shit.
I've bin to shatti each and every day of it. At the right times and tides. Great views of the greatest cars and of the best beach Muscat can offer.
Great conversations with great albeit leaving people can somehow alter the sense of leaving and emptiness that their absence may cause. Most of the people I chill with leave by this month. Kinda hard to digest that sort of emotion. I've never been good at handling emotions and I think Id prefer it that way.


Im getting carried away here. The point is that the awesomeness of being able to be close to the beach, with good conversation and an even better atmosphere kinda cannot be beaten. My life is now a beach. Tranquility, excitement, activity, beauty and unrest all merge together to form the ever more beautiful horizon. Time is the sand. And like Sid says in Dil Chahta Hai, the more you try to encompass sand in your hand , the more easily it slips away. Time and sand are slipping away from me and Im trying to make the most of it.


To whomever has walked with me, sat with me and spoken to me in the beach, I raise my now half-empty glass of water to you. The beach represents the ocean and my glass represents the {insert something emotional here}.

Im really looking forward to tomorrow's match. Bleed Blue fellow Indians. \m/
I now want more of this place. With these people. Like a standstill in time. But I want too many things. Few get fulfilled. Fewer get fulfilled immediately. C'est la vie ma cherie.


Goodnite "Padawans"
-
V






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Now Listening : Yeh Saali Khushi - Dev D
                        Club Foot - Kasabian
Now Wanting To Read : The huge collection of comics Roshan has.
Now Feeling : Serene?

To Forgotten Days

Why are there pleasantries before talking?
If I really did want to know how you were, I'd ask you, once I'd asked you what I already wanted to ask.
Asking a person how they are and just greeting them with 1 of the 10 ways we will ever know in our lives to say, "Hi" is just odd.
Once in a while comes along a person with an actual reply to the question. Like I'm good. Or I just am. Or I stand and do, but I'm open to change (In response to how do you do?)
But we cant really do anything about it can we? Because we fail to realize that the slight awkwardness/embarrassment that we might experience in the greeting is far less than the damage we infer by actually talking to them.

Dont judge me. I dont mind saying Hello? How Are You? everytime I see someone. Maybe its just my programming to expect a genuine answer. Sue me.


This piece and my current state of mind were inspired by (500) Days Of Summer. A brilliant piece of film. Because of the story. Because of how the camera is placed. And because all that I will remember of this movie will make me smile. Like that final girl's name.




Its 4.45 in the afternoon and I dont think I've ever written anything at this time before.
School wasn't my thing for today. Stayed at home and got some studying done. (Yes, you did read that right)
First thing I wake up to is no clock telling me its not the time I would like to wake up at. The clock just said Hey, you're up. Breakfast that I could eat without having to wear my shirt at the same time. A shower without my mum knocking on the door.
Now if you pictured all that, thats pretty neat innit.

But all this is just going against what I want to say.
We remember things as just the good points/parts. Like one scene in a movie. One Season in a TV series. One episode in a Season. One bite from a meal. One conversation from a million. One shirt from a wardrobe. One Woman from the rest.
Life's like that I guess and I got no issues. But is it really worth enduring all the things you're gonna forget only to forget them?
I got no answer for that. A lot, actually but none that make sense.
Maybe it will all come back to us. One day when we are doing something completely unrelated, shit like that will just strike us and slap us in the face. Tell you that dinner that day was great only because of who you had it with. You forgot that the food sucked.
Or that the movie was good only because one scene actually represented your mindset. Forgot that the rest of the movie and everything about it was a piece of shit.


Think Again.
There are days in your life which you actually forgot. Because they had nothing that stood out except the fact that they ended and there is hope you will remember the next day.
Hope that the day that you will forget will be forgotten completely and will never trouble you again like the others do sometimes.
And thats all life is. Hope.

Hope that the specific parts of things you remember are enough to fill the gaps all this forgetting leaves.
Hope that one day you will look back and not see the gaps left empty. But look for more room to remember more.

I hope for a life like that.
And for all I know I might get it. And more.

What really boils the noodle is knowing;
Knowing when really is the right time to look back?


Until then, raise them Glasses,
To Forgotten Days,
V


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"May I never miss a sunset or a rainbow because I am looking
down."



Now Reading : Barron's Prep Book for SAT Subject test : Physics
Now Listening: To my hard drive spin with data.
Now Feeling: Happy.

The Welcome Mat

I apologize if you look forward to seeing the words my hands type appear on your screen. I have been postponing doing this. There have been many weekends passing with something else more important than you. Or so it felt like at that time.
If youre not a reader and just found this by your own course of life, then take the time to reach the last fullstop and not stop at this one .

I am a thought filled person and I take my time with my decisions. But the past few months have been more or less impulsive. Doing things without sparing them much thougt. Its not like a life altering process but I feel like I dont know the person who did all the things I just did.


But a lot has happened since then and that person has disappeared only for me to resurface.
I am a bored, sleepy and lazy person and I need some boosts once in a while to realize all the beauty in life.
Jhankaar did just that. I didnt participate in anything. Neither did I do too much work. But I was there. A part of my school. For the last time. I represented that which I love. And I felt happy when I got back home. Happy that places like the field stands and the multipurpose hall and the basketball courts will bring back memories. Memories of periods bunked, of events attended. Of things I've done in these years at school. A little early to get all emotional about my school you might say but its never too early to start liking something more.
Every corridor and every teacher and every part of my school has a memory linked to it. And that memory never was and never will be the same if it weren't for me. And thats as close to the best feeling on Earth.

And here I am, realizing that in a few months Im about to lose all thats bin important for me all my life. Im not going to be a school student in a few months.
But Im smiling. Why? Because I am not losing anything.
All there was shall remain. And all there is to be shall be.


Sentiments apart and onto what this post is about.
Im going to watch Shawshank Redemption again for the nth time and I already know I'll be a happier person once I've seen it.
Because the movie doesnt talk about redemption by actually killing a woman and going to jail. In fact many people feel that Andy finds redemption by becoming the rich man in the convertible car and the beach scenery. But thats just a picture to hang on your wall. Or a welcome mat.
Redemption is with Red. Redemption is in decency a man shows even in prison. Redemption is in how a man retains integrity till his death. Redemption is in leaving prison a more peace-filled man. Redemption is in saying True Salvation Comes From Within.

Redemption is in living a life with simple emotions.

You could do the flashiest of things, eat the unhealthiest of foods and drive the fastest of cars and still live a simple life if all you are made up of are simple emotions.


Life is far too complicated as it is for us to make it worse.
Make simple choices. And express simple emotions and life is good.
Complex emotions stop a man from walking up to a woman and telling her that she looks good. Complex emotions stop someone from going upto someone and just asking them what the problem is.

But without exception, you will disagree. And if you actually tell me that, whether we know each other or not. Whether we like each other or not. Whether we care or not. Then you just proved me right.


Redemption is in Simple Emotions.



Cheers to Good Movies,
V



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Now Listening - Nothing.
Now Watching - The Shawshank Redemption
Now Reading - Eldest - Christopher Paolini ( I Cannot wait for the fourth book)
Now Feeling - Oddly Happy

A Cruel Mistress

I have an exam in less than 10 hours. And yet here I am writing my mind out because its bin a month. I write a piece every month or atleast I try to.

February has never been a month I enjoy and this one's been no different. Life, as ever, has had its ups and downs, but an enjoyable ride to my optimistic side. For example, this month's mid- day is the world's BIGGEST cliche. And no matter how much you deny it the truth will hit you that the day is after all a cliche. Irrelevant in my life, but cliches are hard to not notice.

I wish my life had more visibility, more reason, more vindication. But Life is never a dream. While I type away vaguely, theres a plan plotting in the Master's head. Some call it Fate.

My wishes may or may not come true, but that won't stop me from wishing. Nothing ever will.

School is boring me. There is nothing I will be thankful for learning in school except maybe a few rudrimentary aspects. I apologise for the lack of gratitude I hold to my education system but it is personal opinion. Who gives a shit?

Look around, beyond the whims of a teenage boy, behind the cries of a homophobic person who lives in denial of many things, there is someone with a lot of reason in judgement in the person whose typing this. An aspect that I hope someday someone will realize. But I can tell you for sure , my education system is not going to help in that..


Maybe this is an emotional outburst froma person who despises exams or maybe its a cry for recognition from a young adult. That is for you to decide.

This month has made me a bit sober. I'm not the person who will admit he's sorrow but Times change. Life is a cruel mistress who forces you to reconsider your every value, your morals, you yourself!



This note may not , actually, sure as hell will not make sense to many of you but I hope that when that day comes when you do, I know of it. And I thank you in advance for that.


Maybe this note has been an expression of my soberness with a mixture of my hatred of exams.
If this note made you sober too, then does that mean something?
I wouldn't know, you should.

Trying to tame the Cruel Mistress we call Life,forever,
V


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Now reading: Chemistry notes
Now listening: Uff Teri Ada - Karthik calling Karthik
Now Off The Phone: with Ryan, trying to teach balancing a reaction in acidic and basic mediums. Hope I wasnt too confusing man.
Now Feeling: Come on, didn't you read the note at all? Well I'm feeling sober. And I have a headache.