My college's cultural fest got over last nite and it gave me some much needed inspiration. I havent written a word in 3 months and this post certainly does make me feel better about that. I dont think I've changed much since that last post but a lot has indeed changed since then. To anyone who knows me well, its no surprise that I cant handle emotions well. I dont emote all that well. Until now, I've always needed a fancy explaination to explain this. But last nite, rather early today morn, helped me make shit clearer.Emotions are an inseparable part of our lives. But they cant be described as much by writing, photographing or "dealing" with them. They have to be felt. And feeling them should cause people to come together, not drift apart.I guess even with this new found clarity its hard for me to put my opinion into words. Emotion, pffft.
This is a story very very loosely based on a life experience. What follows is a work of fiction. If it isnt as good as my previous works then blame my inactivity.
It takes an old man to know what life is all about. Thats what they told me. I never believed them and now I have even more reason not to. Im walking back from seeing a friend at a hospital. Whos battling for his life. What he has done, what he will do and all that he has never done now hold the same amount of importance in his life; none.For a man of few words, I sure do speak a lot inside my mind. Maybe I prefer to express things the way I imagine people to perceive them and reality sometimes just doesnt match up to it.
Can my outlook to things and my actions have less importance than my religion and my social preferences , when trying to judge if I am a good person. As Khalid Hosseini wrote, the only crime in the world, is theft. Every other sin in the world is a derivative of theft. When you lie, you steal the other person's right to know the truth. Does honesty and integrity hold no say in determining who I really am? If I dont utter words of praise in a language I dont understand but still acknowledge that my life isnt entirely controlled by me, does it hold no value?
I nearly missed the turn that leads home while pondering over these things. But give it the clarity of a sleep-deprived man (yes that is an oxymoron but I can still relate with it), and I realized that if the circumstances are alright, then I wouldnt want to wait until I was an old man to die. Must I really be content at a moment to decide that I have gotten all I have wanted? Is it not enough if I answer anyone with a clear conscience that I have cherished my moments, repented for my mistakes, melted for my loves, and spoken for my self? Can my faith, loyalty and integrity help reassure others of who I am? And who would've thought a friend battling for life would cause me to understand life? The dogs started barking all of a sudden, startling me. I realized I had skipped my house by a few metres and the dogs barking were right in front of my house. Almost as if showing me the right way and telling me to slow shit down.I smiled as it hit me. And I leave you with my final thought of that night. Ever spelt dog backwards?
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V
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Now reading : Nothing. Need some books, real bad.
Now Listening : Po Nee Po - 3
Now Feeling : Tired.
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